you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
