The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
