apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
