She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Never joke about your clitoris.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
