We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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