My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize