He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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