one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
