im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
