I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
