What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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