Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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