mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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