There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
