Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
