what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
