Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
