Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
