Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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