I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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