I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
