things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
