Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
