why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
