So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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