:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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