your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
