And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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