i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
