Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
