ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
