you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
