I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
