my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
