She's JV to your varsity
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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