My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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