she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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