Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My cat gives me a boner
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
