yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
