Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
jump out the window naked night went bad
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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