My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
