dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I will die if light touches me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
