she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Randomize
