At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize