But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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