just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
