hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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