He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
