Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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