She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
