At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
