I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
