she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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