i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
