so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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