thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
