so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
