And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
