Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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