but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
