I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
