i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize