did you get engaged???
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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