Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
