I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize