nutella sex= disaster
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize